Tuesday, May 17, 2011

"I am looking forward to ________."

So lately when I feel overwhelmed by life transitions I have been unintentionally making ridiculous statements in my head like, "I am looking forward to ________________." that totally distract me from my feelings. While this is probably not entirely healthy, it's usually when it's at a moment when I just do not have time to be processing emotions and thoughts. However, it does mean my posts may seem a bit little US-centric but it's probably just me focusing on small positives (i.e. my USPS post). While I feel really positive about joining Teach for America, moving back to the states does not necessarily feel like "moving home." It doesn't feel like a triumphant or long awaited return anyway. First of all, I'm not moving home to Philly. I'm moving to Detroit (no offense Motown, I'm sure you're great). Second of all, I have also made quite a life for myself here in Kingston, so it is also home. So, all these transitions and decisions are rather overwhelming. It's easier to think about things I am excited about, than things that I am not. Or things that have no blatant emotional strings attached to them per say. I.E. I often think, "I am really looking forward to eating watermelon and strawberries in Philly." because I strongly prefer watermelon there, and well strawberries cost an appendage here. Anyway, I get really excited about these statements, and then instead of thinking "I will be a confused train wreck on my flight home" or "I will miss this person," and all the feelings that arise with those sort of thoughts, I go "Mmmmm, watermelon." and move along.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Ebb and Tide.

This is one of my favorite pictures of my Nana. I'm not sure when exactly it's from. But it's from one of our annual bi-weekly trips to OCNJ. For a massive majority of those years Nana would take a walk on the beach in the morning time....That's the sort of thing I like to remember about her.

Lately, I've been thinking of her very often. Sometimes I start to get excited thinking I'll get to see her soon, or wanting to call her and tell her a story. It's hard living in a different country because in some one it makes death much less real. It just seems like a geographical circumstance....rather than mortality. Summer approaching probably also fills me with nostalgia for sitting on the deck watching the waves and stars. I sat on her lap in a rocking chair until I was almost as big as her (not too-too hard since she's rather short).

But a commingling of longing and memories of sea is a perfect combination. Hearts churn with the beating of the waves, and the ebb of the tides.....

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Kenny Loggins, baby!

Round here we listen to Kenny Loggins epic musical creation "Footloose" pretty much every weekend. I won't cheapen this homage by mentioning that Boy George also gets pretty much weekly airtime. Tonight was even better than normal though, because there were two sounds (Read: Giant massive block of speakers) duking it out, fighting to be ruler of loudness...and yet both were playing "Footloose." Talk about surround sound, and good vibrations in the air. I could not help but feel ecstatic about life. Please don't lie to yourself, you know you can't resist.....Don't worry I provided it right here for you.

Keep it classy internet, keep it classy.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Snail Mail: A Passionate Composition

Did I ever mention that I love snail mail? There's something much more real about a letter or even a card. It's really exciting to get mail. When I was in the middle school, my best friends and I lived "far" away from each other (at least according to our pre-pubescent definitions of the words, less than 20 miles though). However, we made it a habit to regularly write letters or send post cards from various vacation spots through out the summer. I still have most of those letters from the early days. There's something really special about them.

Anyway, all of this to say, that's one thing I'm really looking forward to about moving back to the U.S. of A. Efficient and convenient postal service. Before anyone residing in America begins to complain, let me just say, I don't want to hear it. I thought I had some mailing woes when I lived in North Philly. Notice I said thought, now if I were talking to myself I would say "Boo hoo" and roll up my fists in the most mocking manner possible. Let me just say, one of the most wonderful things about the United States Postal Service (USPS) is speed. I can mail something, and tomorrow someone else will have it. I like it! Or even in 3 to 4 days if they live far away. Still acceptable. The second thing I love, is mailboxes.

(Image source and some more reading about mail @ Washwords)

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Fire inside of me

Sometimes, when I'm feeling drained or overwhelmed, it's so good to look to God as the source for my strength...Not just for a physical energy but for the passion to have focus and zeal, and heart to do things.

Monday, May 9, 2011

"I can't recall."

This song was written in response to pretty terrible and blatant political maneuvering happening in an investigation regarding details of the Dudus extradition.