"I am looking forward to ________."

So lately when I feel overwhelmed by life transitions I have been unintentionally making ridiculous statements in my head like, "I am looking forward to ________________." that totally distract me from my feelings. While this is probably not entirely healthy, it's usually when it's at a moment when I just do not have time to be processing emotions and thoughts. However, it does mean my posts may seem a bit little US-centric but it's probably just me focusing on small positives (i.e. my USPS post). While I feel really positive about joining Teach for America, moving back to the states does not necessarily feel like "moving home." It doesn't feel like a triumphant or long awaited return anyway. First of all, I'm not moving home to Philly. I'm moving to Detroit (no offense Motown, I'm sure you're great). Second of all, I have also made quite a life for myself here in Kingston, so it is also home. So, all these transitions and decisions are rather overwhelming. It's easier to think about things I am excited about, than things that I am not. Or things that have no blatant emotional strings attached to them per say. I.E. I often think, "I am really looking forward to eating watermelon and strawberries in Philly." because I strongly prefer watermelon there, and well strawberries cost an appendage here. Anyway, I get really excited about these statements, and then instead of thinking "I will be a confused train wreck on my flight home" or "I will miss this person," and all the feelings that arise with those sort of thoughts, I go "Mmmmm, watermelon." and move along.



I think that part of this practice comes from being a leader in one of Fusion's programs for young people for quite some time. In our small groups one of the questions we answered every week (among others), was what we were looking forward too. Sometimes if someone was having a really bad time, it would be a challenge to find something to look forward to. Sometimes we would have to help each other to find something even really small, but it was usually a really good way to lift our spirits and have a laugh. Perhaps I've now internalized this process. Some of my distracting and pretty shallow "looking-forwards-to" are below. What are you looking forward to?

I am looking forward to _________________________

• seeing my Mama and Papa.
• driving in America, what what. (Only a big deal because I'm a new driver).
• seeing old friends and making new ones.
• riding bicycles.
• NETFLIX, BABY!
• selecting songs for my epic first drive to Detroit. (Which will take 11 hours).
• going to Blue Mountain peak.
• playing Ultimate Frisbee.
• ROOT BEER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• having my first car, and getting to name it all by myself.
• Eating as much pine, mango and  Otaheite apples as humanly possible.
• hanging ten with my big brothers.
• going to beautiful Jamaican beaches.
• sending cards and letters to people randomly.
• Ocean City, New Jersey